On Becoming and Unbecoming a Hypocrite (and the Future of Saturday Means Pancakes)

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Dear Reader,

Happy New Year! Is there an official date in January when you’re supposed to stop saying that?

Because I thought I’d be saying it to you in a post much earlier than today, but I haven’t, and here’s why: I’ve been mired in a battle against hypocrisy.

Okay, okay, that sounds a little grandiose. But I’ve nonetheless found myself in a very real struggle that in large part centers on the future of this blog.

The Early Days

Rewind to October 2021, the early, heady days of Saturday Means Pancakes.

I knew nothing about choosing keywords that would allow my posts to be found by readers.

I wrote super long sentences and strung them together in super long paragraphs, having learned that you start each new paragraph with a topic sentence and only begin a new paragraph when you shift to the next idea. Whoops. Turns out white space is key when it comes to blogging.

(And see? Even though I’m about to write another sentence about more faux pas, I’m doing it in a new paragraph so your eyes get a break from the sea of text. I’ve learned stuff!)

I didn’t use headings, didn’t use Pinterest, and had a brand spanking new Instagram account with no clue how to use it.

The Middle Days

As I moved forward, I learned how much I was doing wrong — A LOT.

I won’t bore you with all the technical details, but let’s just say there’s a crapload of stuff you need to master to have a successful blog.

At first, I welcomed the challenge. As a lover of lifelong learning and perennial diver into the deep end of any new area of interest, I decided I’d get all this blogging business figured out in no time.

But as time went on, the journey became ever-more humbling and anxiety-filled. This is because 1) I’m a perfectionist, 2) the only speed I know how to go is full speed ahead, and 3) I’m raising three small children, which makes operating in modes 1 and 2 damn near impossible.  

The Meltdowns

About 6-8 weeks ago, I started having a series of what I call mini-meltdowns (some maybe not so mini).

I don’t remember all the details except that each one consisted of me being a tearful, stress-filled mess, wondering how in the world I was going to make it all work.

That was my starting point – how I can make this all work?

At the end of the first mini-meltdown, I’d come to a life-changing conclusion: no more homemade sauces! Fajita marinade in little pouches and jars of lemon garlic sauce were going to magically give me about six more hours each day.

Well, surprise, surprise, turns out pre-made sauces didn’t quite solve the whole problem (and not just because that lemon garlic one was terrible).

With the next mini-meltdown, I decided I’d forget all about Facebook and Instagram for the time-being and just focus on Pinterest.

That still wasn’t enough to move the needle on my stress and overwhelm, and the next meltdown came.

With that one, I decided I’d limit my blogging to 10 hours a week…except that happened right about the time my kids went on winter break for 2.5 weeks (and then had two snow days after ONE day of being back in school).

Fitting in 10 hours felt like those times I’ve watched someone try to cram a ridiculously large “special item” into the overhead bin of a plane.

Except in this case I was the someone. And when I failed to cram those 10 hours into my life no matter how hard I shoved and what angle I tried, I finally, finally got clarity.

How can I make this all work? was the question I kept asking. The answer turns out to be simple: I can’t.

And that leads me back to the grand battle against hypocrisy.

In a December post about having a simple Christmas, I counseled my readers with the following: “You’ll enjoy the holiday season so much more if you have plenty of downtime to savor the little things, like:

• Admiring the lights on your tree while cupping a mug of hot cocoa and snuggling under a quilt.
• Sending simple Christmas cards to a few close friends.
• Listening to instrumental holiday music while wrapping gifts.
• Treating yourself to a peppermint latte and sipping it while reading A Christmas Carol.”

Do you think I did any of these things? Do you think I spent even 15 SECONDS calmly and gratefully admiring the lights on my tree? Did I write a single Christmas card? NOPE.

“Plenty of downtime to savor the little things,” I advised. HA!

Instead, I read every Christmas picture book I could get my hands on, scrambled to outline a winter solstice post, and planned posts for 2023, all while frantically attempting to fit in my own family Christmas preparations in whatever cracks of time were left. (Sorry — that bit of advice about shortening sentences never really stuck.)

I sacrificed sleep, missed opportunities to go for walks in fresh snow, and didn’t so much as crack the cover of A Christmas Carol when I’d thought reading it would be my nightly December ritual.

The whole underpinning of Saturday Means Pancakes is finding magic in ordinary, everyday life; ironically, I’d become so busy working on the blog that I’d stamped out any flicker of that magic in my own life.

And Now

So where does that leave me? Truthfully, I don’t know.

In the short-term, I’m taking some space to reflect and get back to experiencing some of the moments that made me want to start this blog in the first place.

In the months to come, we’ll see.

Maybe I’ll get back to those early heady days of few headings, sub-par photos, and wholehearted writing.

Maybe I’ll find a way to tame my perfectionist tendencies and grow the blog little by little.

Maybe I’ll miss blogging a ton and will find the motivation to become an early riser who works steadfastly from 5 to 7 am each morning while the rest of the family sleeps (doubtful, but you never know).

Whatever happens, thank you so much for reading and for being on this journey with me. Here’s to authentic living filled with everyday wonder.

Love,
Katie